If my mother needs a heart in the future, I think I can give it to her

　　Cctv news(Reporter Brother Chenchen Zhang Qi): Some people say that being a mother is a woman’s second rebirth. However, on the first day of motherhood, all kinds of trivial things seem to detonate the lacrimal gland.

　　In order to achieve full breast milk, the fear of being squeezed into fainting and being lulled into sleep is very difficult every night. It is constantly "escalating", learning and struggling every day, and sometimes getting lost in the contradictory remarks of various parenting experts.

　　"I don’t need the recognition and praise of the whole world. It can only be said that as a mother, I found another self in this world, a tough and strong self. "

　　Whether it’s a working mother or a full-time mother, no one is growing up stumbling.

　　See love in the cracks.

　　"Verapamil hydrochloride tablets", when I first saw this medicine, Wang Lin was looking for a pacifier for her child in a hurry, and turned on the search engine to check it for angina pectoris, variant angina pectoris, unstable angina pectoris and chronic stable angina pectoris.

　　Wang Lin knew that her mother’s heart was not very good, but she never noticed that she had been taking medicine. Usually busy at work, my mother is helping me take care of the children, and my nose is sour, and my memory is coming up.

　　As a professional woman who flies around all the year round, Wang Lin is used to being resolute. When the child was born 100 days ago, due to the cold weather and the illness of the child, he did not take the child to the 100-day banquet. Unexpectedly, he suffered a domestic violence. "My husband questioned why I didn’t take the child and said that I was uneducated." Wang Lin went back on the spot. "There were many people at the scene."

　　After the banquet, the two went home and had another big fight. At that time, Wang Lin’s mother helped take care of the children at home, and when she saw the couple quarreling, she was also blamed together. The quarrel between the two became more and more fierce. When they returned to their bedroom, Wang Lingang pushed the door and was caught by the hair and slapped.

　　The next day, a piece of divorce certificate was in Wang Lin’s hand. At the age of 22, I met and fell in love. After five years of marriage, my feelings collapsed only in an instant. "I won the custody of my children."

　　At this point, Wang Lin officially became a list of pro-working mothers. However, vulnerability does not apply to this single working mother.

　　Wang Lin was delivered by caesarean section. Due to premature rupture of amniotic fluid, uterine contraction was weak after oxytocin was hanged, and she turned to emergency surgery. "Fetal distress and tertiary pollution of amniotic fluid have occurred." The lighting on the operating table clearly mapped the whole operation process. "From the first time the doctor cut the knife to the last time I sewed it, I saw it carefully without fear." The doctor asked her to look at the boy and girl, and she smiled "girl".

　　The 24 hours after operation is the most painful. Because it was the first child, the doctor gave analgesic pump, and if it hurt, he pressed the button, "I forbeared not to press it." The pain went from the back of my hand to the wound on my stomach, and the meat on my abdomen and waist twisted together. "I just want to feed her early."

　　For working mothers, the luckiest thing is to have the support from their families. According to the data of "Investigation Report on the Living Status of Working Mothers in 2019", 73% of working mothers said that their children’s education and upbringing were supported by their parents, and more than 50% of mothers said that their husbands would share the work of caring for their children.

　　After leaving the hospital and going home, Wang Lin took care of the children with her mother, with low back pain, breast-feeding pain and fragmented sleep. She felt that her determination to be a mother would definitely make her strong enough to overcome all difficulties. At that time, Wang Lin’s husband was completely opposite to Wang Lin’s state. "He took care of the children very little. When the children cried, he became restless, because he didn’t want to reduce the quality of sleep. After having children, we slept in separate rooms. To be honest, the time to meet each other every day was very limited, and most of the time he stayed in his room."

　　Despite this, Wang Lin never thought that a TV drama-like plot would happen to herself. After the divorce, my friend said, did you really break up because of such a trivial matter? "In fact, I have found that he rewarded the network anchor several times, but what does this mean?"

　　After experiencing childbirth pain and divorce, Wang Lin still wore high heels and painted delicate makeup as usual, which made her sad and tearful. The child was infected with mycoplasma pneumonia when she was 6 months old. "It’s too small. I have to put a needle in my head, and the child cried. At that moment, I really couldn’t control myself."

　　Later, Wang Lin talked to her mother about her child’s illness. She told her mother that she really knew what it was like to be "distressed". Wang Lin’s mother said that when you cried that night, her mother was also so distressed.

　　At that moment, happiness and falling into life are all details. "If my mother needs a heart in the future, I think I can give it to her."

　　Critical balance point

　　"In Beijing, how much pressure do mothers have to bear in the face of promotion and parenting?" Once, Lin Ling didn’t dare to think much about this problem, but he didn’t expect this situation to really become his daily life so soon.

　　At six o’clock in the morning, Lin Ling got up to prepare the baby’s complementary food: steamed eggs with mixed vegetables, shrimp, nutrition porridge and minced meat. Compared with the initial hurry-scurry, she is much more comfortable now. Kiss the sleeping child. She goes out to work at seven o’clock on time. From Changping to Wangjing, it takes almost two hours to go to work every day by subway and bus. Breast pumps, milk storage bags, ice packs, and small backpacks are stuffed, and the heavy weight always reminds her of the pressure on her shoulders.

　　It is normal to review documents, calculate expenses and prepare statements, and be so busy at work that you forget to eat. But after a little interval, she couldn’t help talking to her family to see what the children were doing, how much they ate and slept soundly, and what stories were staged on this day.

　　For the sake of children, she was transferred from the core department, away from the working mode of staying up all night and being on standby at any time. Now she works at the most efficient pace so that she can get off work on time and go home early to accompany her children. In her view, this rhythm is just a good point, balancing her career pursuit and parenting life.

　　Foreign companies, accountants, working mothers, Lin Ling’s every label is not easy. In the past six years, she has been working, getting married, researching, getting pregnant, having a baby and raising children … …

　　According to the Survey Report on the Living Status of Working Mothers in 2019, working mothers spend an average of 3.17 hours a day in their families, with a career-oriented index of 3.29, which is slightly higher than the overall career confidence index of working women. They have the strongest fighting spirit and devote themselves to their families in their spare time.

　　Four years ago, Lin Ling’s first child, Haohao, was born, and the couple in Beipiao did not have their own house. In order to take advantage of an hour’s lunch break every day to breast-feed Haohao, a family of five rented in an old community near the company, with no decoration, just being close to the unit, which can save time and spend more time with the children. Although parents help to take care of the children, Lin Ling tries his best to grow up with them, and takes them out for a walk no matter how tired they are after work.

　　"Hao Hao has been breast-feeding since he was born. He feeds milk every two hours. I can’t bear to let him cry. I got up in the middle of the night when I heard him cry. After I went to work, Haohao didn’t eat complementary food or drink milk powder. He cried at home and lost weight. Holding a child for a long time, my wrist is sore, and I often have to stick a plaster; The child is thin, sick and dark, and every small change affects my sensitive and nervous nerves. Many times I am exhausted, but I am just a mother, and I can always be resurrected with blood again and again. "

　　Around her, some people choose the workplace without hesitation between their careers and their children, and become real strong women. Some people are workaholics, but they don’t hesitate to naked resignation the second they learn that they are pregnant. In Lin Ling’s eyes, these choices are extreme, and she carefully maintains a balance between work and family, work and child-rearing.

　　Lin Ling said, before you have children, the world belongs to you. Go and do whatever you want. After you have children, you should learn to compromise with yourself. Many times you will be upset and depressed, but you should force yourself to have a good attitude to face the situation. Dreams still have to be there, or to be a person who is useful to society and beneficial to children. "I used to want to travel around Europe, but now I want to see the world together when my children grow up."

　　An undervalued business

　　"If you don’t have children or have never taken care of them for 24 hours, you won’t know the multiple tasks and efficiency of a stay-at-home mother."

　　On the New Year’s Eve of 2016, a group of babies was born. As the sun sets, the afterglow is sprinkled on the baby’s tender little face through the glass window of the delivery room, and the group feels the happiness of being a mother for the first time. "After observing for two hours after delivery, when the baby and I were pushed back to the ward, firecrackers were already heard outside and fireworks were everywhere." The new year began, and the crowds hugged her and thought, "My new life has begun."

　　Because both parents can’t come to help, and the group is not comfortable looking for a child-rearing sister-in-law, they quit their jobs and became full-time mothers. "In the past, I didn’t like children at all, and even had the idea of Dink with my husband. Until I accidentally had my own child, maternal love seemed to be stimulated at once, and the link with the child was particularly close. I didn’t trust people who were not related by blood to bring children."

　　Qunqun majored in art design during her college years, and after graduation, she engaged in her favorite design work. Being a full-time mother really made a great determination for her. "I am more spoiled and grown up, and it is good to take care of myself. The child is just born, and it is a fragile little life. I feel that I have to learn a lot of knowledge so that I can not be anxious when I encounter problems."

　　Cooking is a particularly big burden for the group. "I took her to buy food and cook. For a year or two, she especially liked to hold it. It was not negotiable. I think girls are more sensitive, so they respect and understand her. In this way, I will be involved. When cooking, the baby was afraid of the sound of the range hood and wanted to hold her with one hand and cook with the other. At that time, I felt that I was ‘ One-armed woman ’ You can do it with one hand. "

　　In the summer when the baby was over one year old, groups of people took their children to play on the balcony mat. During that time, "taking the baby during the day and studying scientific parenting at night was a little neurasthenia", and they accidentally stood up and bumped into the corner of the window. "At that time, I felt blood flowing down from the top of my head, like a TV play." After that, she wiped the paper, made a circle of friends, then fed the baby and took a nap. As a result, she fell asleep in a daze until she was awakened by her husband, "I want to take me to the hospital for examination." I went to the hospital wrapped like a "big pineapple", and finally I almost had to sew. "It’s fun to think about it now, and I don’t feel pain."

　　According to the analysis of the Group Analysis Report of Stay-at-home Mothers in 2019, 46% of women miss career opportunities due to childbirth, and children are the career of stay-at-home mothers.

　　The group feels that the mother-infant link is the most precious colostrum, and it is the wing of the mother to take care of the baby angel. "I can perceive her inner thoughts with one look in her eyes, and help her feel her emotions and name them, what is happiness, what is sadness and what is missing … …” Every night before going to bed, the group will take the baby to recall what happened on this day. People they met, things they met, happy and unhappy, will tell their children their opinions.

　　Perhaps it is a long-term interaction, and groups of children have strong memory and expressive ability. She believes that early education does not have to have a high environment and a deep concept. As long as we keep the mother-child link with our children, we can feel each other’s guidance and walk hand in hand mentally. The child’s heart is full, the development is healthy, the relationship is right, and so is the husband and wife.

　　May 8, 2016 is Mother’s Day, and May 9 is Qunqun’s 30th birthday. At 12 o’clock on the 8th, the children fell asleep, and Qunqun brushed their mobile phones. "My husband suddenly asked me to go to the living room and asked me to open the refrigerator door. Just like magic, there was a cake, and I remembered that it was my birthday. I was always so confused, but I felt very happy."

　　Considerable self-growth

　　"On Macey’s first birthday, he suddenly took a few steps off my hand, which made me happy."

　　One small step for the baby and one big step for the mother. The mother looked at Macey as a toddler, sobbing profusely. Not long ago, she was a cute little monster who only ate, drank and slept in her arms. Finally, she took the first step in her life.

　　In 2014, Meng Ma went to a lecture on maternal and child knowledge with an 8-month-old belly. Originally, her teammates vowed to study with her. As a result, from the third time, her teammates kept screaming in bed, so Meng Ma had to go to class alone. "At 12 o’clock that night, I suddenly felt a burst of unusual contractions. When I looked at my watch, it was a regular contraction that hurt for 1 minute every time and hurt every 5 minutes." I rushed to the hospital in a hurry and was born prematurely.

　　At first, the lack of milk has always been a regret for Meng Ma.

　　"I officially gave birth on the third day." After the baby was born, he was hungry for 48 hours. At night, when the nurse made rounds, he would be named, saying that he cried the most on the whole floor. Later, when he was fed probiotics, "as soon as the bitter medicine was put on his mouth, he swished it all in, so hungry that even the medicine was used to satisfy his hunger."

　　There is no way, can’t help pressure from all sides, on the third day, Meng Ma gave Macey milk powder.

　　Touching the soft "granary", Meng Ma felt uncomfortable and made up her mind to chase milk desperately. I heard that the more you squeeze, the more milk you get. Therefore, in the second month, Meng Ma will feed first and then suck it with a breast pump for half an hour every night. "My chest is numb and I don’t feel my own." Once, I squeezed directly until my blood sugar was too low, and I fainted, and I ate and drank sugar water before I recovered. And desperate milking led to breast bruising, but it took a month to get better. Later, after consulting a doctor, I realized that the key to chasing milk is to feed it frequently and for a long time. The baby’s sucking is better than any breast pump.

　　As a result, when Macey cried, I forcibly grabbed him to feed him, and even he was fascinated to feed him regularly: obviously, the baby was still sleeping, and he had to wake him up by bouncing the soles of his feet, rubbing his earlobes, and even rubbing plastic to make a harsh sound, so that he could suck for 20 minutes. "Now, I feel that the baby has been hung on my chest, and even when he falls asleep, he still has nipples — — It directly caused my nipples to crack, bleeding while feeding, and it hurt me to grin and bite my teeth. "

　　Finally, Meng Ma successfully achieved full breast milk.

　　"Looking back now, I think exclusive breast milk is not necessarily the only choice. If it is limited to realistic conditions, you don’t have to feel guilty about adding formula milk to your baby: your identity is not only a mother, but also a wife and an employee … … You need to weigh yourself. "

　　With the birth of Macey, Mengma became a part-time mother. "I helped my former tutor to do research in the middle of the night when the children slept. Later, with the gradual enrichment of parenting experience, I began to become a writer on parenting." Former classmates and colleagues were very surprised when they heard that Mengma chose to be a part-time mother. "Your grades/work are so good, why do you want to be a part-time mother? Isn’t this a waste? "

　　In Meng Ma’s view, it is because I am good at learning that I decided to be a part-time mother, so that I can spend more time and experience learning how to be a qualified parent.

　　"There are no perfect parents in the world, so whenever I learn new knowledge, it is always easy to feel guilty: Ah, what I did before was wrong! I believe everyone will have this idea from time to time, so I want to encourage you in one sentence: what I did was what I knew at that time. When I know more, I do better. "

　　At the end of December 2017, Meng Ma completed the parenting course for 0-5 years old jointly organized by Arizona Children’s Center and the U.S. Department of Education, and learned more reliable parenting content. She also felt a lot about kindergarten education and education software and hardware conditions in the United States.

　　Recognizing vegetables, looking for scarecrows, catching Pieris rapae and scampering along the path … … Even in the city, you can find summer. This is the daily life for Meng Ma to get along with her children. Meng Ma admits that raising children by both husband and wife can avoid the influence of traditional, outdated and backward parenting concepts on children to the maximum extent.

　　"Children’s spilled food will increase the workload of nannies. Most elderly people will shout and rush to help their children up at the first moment when they fall. They will teach their children how to play in their own way, and think that helping children dress, brush their teeth, clean things, etc. should be taken care of by adults."

　　On the first Mother’s Day, Macey took the initiative to kiss Meng Ma, who thought it was the sweetest gift. "These experiences and memories belong to children and to ourselves. They may be anxious to grow up and the future, but when we get old, these precious memories will stay with us for a lifetime, reminding us of the second growth after being parents. " (At the request of the interviewee, the characters in the text are all pseudonyms.)